Funeral Etiquette

Etiquette for a Funeral

The rules of etiquette dictate how we should behave in certain social situations. For instance, in many homes, it is proper etiquette to remove your shoes at the door before entering the common areas, remove your hat upon entering, and refrain from participating in inappropriate conversation. However, ceremonies such as weddings, religious events, or funerals tend to have much more strict guidelines to follow. For instance, what you say, what you wear, and how you dress at a funeral indicates your level of respect for the grieving family. More than in any other social situation, it is important that you follow the proper etiquette for a funeral.


On this page, we will outline the basics of etiquette for a funeral service including how to handle the visitation and reception.

The Basics of Funeral Etiquette

Emily Post once said, "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others." Much of what we know today about etiquette comes from this woman, who published her first book of etiquette in 1922. When you use those words as your guide, the rules of funeral etiquette become easier to understand.

What to Wear To a Funeral

If you are planning to attend a funeral in the near future, you may find yourself wondering what to wear to a funeral. It’s a common question that leaves many people wondering and struggling to pick an outfit. Casual? Formal? Business professional? Tradition has always required a certain level of formality in dressing for a funeral. However, today it seems like the dress code at any given funeral is as unique as the deceased. 

The advisors on the Emily Post website tell readers that "attire isn't limited to just black or dark gray. Remember, though, that it is a serious occasion and your attire should reflect that, especially if you are participating in the service. At the very least it should be clean, neat, and pressed as for any other important occasion."

While there is no specific dress code to follow, it’s always best to err on the side of caution and pick a conservative outfit. Remember, the most important thing is to make sure your outfit does not call unwanted attention to yourself and away from the service. A funeral is a time to show your respect as you honor the life of the deceased, and your clothing should reflect that. For men, dark suits or slacks and a dress shirt is preferred. For women, a dress, business suit, or dress pants and nice sweater. Stick to colors like black, navy, grey, or red-violet. Avoid loud colors and vibrant patterns at all costs.

What to Say At a Funeral 

You might find yourself struggling with the right words to say when offering condolences. The best advice we can offer is to keep it short and always be sincere. Chances are, the family will be speaking with many different people over the day so they won’t be able to give you a lot of time. There is no real rule about what to say at a funeral. When in doubt, a brief expression of sympathy like “I’m so sorry for your loss” is perfectly fine.If you have time to add to those seven words, you might want to share a personal story about a time you shared with the deceased. But, watch closely for signs that your audience needs to move on to receive condolences from other funeral guests.

When speaking to other funeral guests, speak quietly. This is not a time to discuss business or share stories about your recent vacation. Instead, focus on sharing and listening to stories of times spent with the deceased.

Certainly, if you've got additional questions about what to say at a funeral, do not hesitate to call us.

How to Act at a Funeral

If you're unsure about what actions to take when being led by a pastor or celebrant, simply follow along. If you're not comfortable, don't draw attention to your unwillingness to participate. Be discrete and respectful of others.

Always leave your cell phone in the car or at the very least, turn it to vibrate mode or turn it off.

How to Handle the Visitation

A visitation, or viewing, is a time prior to the funeral where guests are invited to view the casketed body of the deceased. While it is customary to show your respects to the deceased by stepping up to the casket, you may not feel comfortable doing so. That's perfectly alright; no one wants you to be unnerved by the experience, so focus your attention instead on providing comfort to the bereaved family.

Etiquette for the Burial

If the deceased is to be buried following the service, the funeral officiant will announce the location of the interment. If the cemetery is not located on the grounds of the funeral home, there will be a processional of cars formed to escort the hearse to the cemetery. Unless they have chosen to have a private burial, those in attendance are welcome to join in the procession however, don't feel obligated to do so. You may simply leave the funeral at that time.

How to Act at the Funeral Reception

Many families today hold a post-funeral gathering where food and refreshments are served. While this is a time to share memories, laughter, and even tears, your behavior at a funeral reception needs to remain respectful. 

Etiquette for a Memorial Service

Memorial services and celebrations of life tend to be less formal than traditional funerals, which means they may have less restrictions on how you should act and what you should wear. If you are unsure of how to act at a memorial service, just make sure to be respectful and follow the lead of those around you.

Follow Up with Kindness

If you've not already done so, this is a good time to send the family a sympathy note or card. About a week after the funeral, pick up the phone to check in with them to see if there's anything they need.

"Good manners," wrote Emily Post, "reflect something from inside — an innate sense of consideration for others and respect for self." We think that just about sums it up; no matter the situation — wedding, baptism, dinner party or cocktails with friends — her observations about good manners (when followed) will serve us all well.
Contact Us
Source:
The Emily Post Institute, http://www.emilypost.com
Share by: